MiTalk.org: Mental Health Issues on Campus: Gender Identity and Expression

Gender Identity and Expression

PLEASE NOTE: The information in this web site is not intended as a substitute for medical or mental health care advice.

Introduction

What’s on this page:

› Introduction
› “Coming Out”: What to Expect
› Benefits of Coming Out
› Risks of Coming Out
› When to Get Help
› Not what you were looking for?
› What Do You Think?

How to help yourself

When you’re ready to tell that first person — or even those first few people — give yourself time to prepare. Think through the options and make a deliberate plan of whom, when and how to approach the subject. Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I know what I want to say?
Who should I tell first?
What kinds of signals am I getting?
Am I well-informed and willing to answer questions?
Is this a good time?
Can I be patient?
Is it safe to disclose?

For some things you may wish to consider when answering these questions, take a look at Gender Identity: Q and A.

How to help a friend

If your friend or family member tells you that they are transgender, you may be wondering how to respond. Everyone does so differently. Many are confused and have questions. Some are relieved they know what’s been on their loved one’s mind. And others are hurt they weren’t told sooner. You may feel a mixture of all three emotions and more.

Regardless of how you’re feeling, it’s helpful if you can reassure your family member or friend that your feelings for them have not suddenly disappeared. Let them know you will try your best to support them through this process. It’s OK to tell them it’s going to take some time to adjust.

Be honest with them if you have questions you’d like to ask as they, too, had questions they had to answer along the way to sharing this information. If you have questions you’re uncomfortable asking them, resources exist elsewhere. Support groups — both online and in many cities and towns across the country — can help you get the answers you’re looking for. There are also a range of books and websites that offer more information. You can find resources and answers to some common questions at the end of this guide.

In the end, knowing that you still care is what matters most to your friend or family member.

While gender is presented to us as a mutually exclusive pair — male and female — the truth is that gender is a rich, broad spectrum that comes in as many forms as there are people.

For many people, expressing gender is an unconscious action. But for those whose gender identity, or innate sense of gender, doesn’t match with the one they were assigned at birth, it can be a complex and difficult undertaking.

Many of these individuals come to identify as transgender, an umbrella term that describes a wide range of people who experience or express their gender in different, sometimes non-traditional, ways. Transgender people must make deeply personal decisions to be open and honest about who they are with themselves and others.

Feeling compelled to express one’s gender in ways that aren’t traditionally associated with the gender assigned at birth can leave many feeling scared, worried or confused, and can make college life especially difficult. Unfortunately, many transgendered people can spend a lifetime attempting to hide these feelings, hoping against hope that it’s not true or that it might someday simply go away.

It is important for transgendered people to remember that the decision to tell people is theirs and theirs alone. It’s also very important to weigh both risks and benefits before making a choice to disclose to others.

Some Benefits of Disclosing

But wait, there’s more!

LGBT Issues and Other Cultures

Different cultures and religions deal with the issues of sexual orientation in different ways and may introduce additional stress on an individual whose ethnic or religious identity is of great importance to them.

For more information regarding LGBT issues in other cultures, please click on the following links:

Living an open and whole life
Developing closer, more genuine relationships
Building self-esteem
Reducing the stress of hiding one’s identity
Having authentic and open friendships with other transgender people
Helping to dispel myths and fears about transgender people
Becoming a role model for others
Making it easier for younger transgender people

Some Risks/Consequences of Disclosing

Not everyone will be understanding or accepting
Family, friends and co-workers may be shocked, confused or even hostile
Some relationships may permanently change
One may experience harassment, discrimination or violence
One may be thrown out of your home
One may lose your job
Some people may lose financial support from their parents

Making the decision to live authentically can be a daunting experiences, but is something that you do not need to do alone. As a student at the University of Michigan, there is a counseling center available to you to talk with a counselor. The University of Michigan in Ann Arbor houses the Spectrum Center which can also provide you with help and resources.

When to Get Help

If you or someone you know is dealing with gender identity and expression issues, talking with someone you can trust — a friend, a family member, a doctor, nurse, psychologist, social worker, or religious leader — can be quite helpful. As a University of Michigan student, you have free counseling services available to you on all three campuses. Asking for help can be difficult and takes courage, but it can make all the difference.

For more information, download the HRC’s “Coming Out as Transgender” pamphlet, or visit the University of Michigan’s Spectrum Center website.

You are not alone, we are here to help!

Not what you were looking for?

Try these pages:

MiTalk.org: Mental Health Issues On Campus